Deadpool Paints a Circle Or Deadpool vs Sakura
by Elecman99
Summary: Up late one night, Sakura notices a disturbance in Konoha. Upon investigation, she finds Deadpool spray painting a giant circle in the middle of the village. She rushes in to stop him, but soon finds out she might be in way over her head against this foe.
1. Chapter 1

Deadpool Paints a Circle

By: Elecman99

(The story begins at midnight in the Hidden Leaf Village. The local pink haired girl, Sakura, is just sitting on the roof of her house, staring at the moon because she thought it might help her fall asleep… as you can see she's not the brightest star in the sky.)

Sakura: It's no use… I just can't seem to fall asleep; then again, staring at a bright full moon while lying on top of the hard roof shingles of my house DOES seem like kind of a dumb idea in retrospect. I seem to be coming up with a LOT of those recently. Wait, who am I talking to? Great! Now I'm stupid AND crazy! That's just wonderful! As if I wasn't crazy enough with my whole "inner-me" thing.

Inner Sakura: KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS!

Sakura: Shut up, inner-me! I told you, "I'm not killing anyone else!" It took me forever to find a safe place to hide the bodies of my mom and dad and it took me even longer to fully convince everyone that they went on a second honeymoon… for ten years… forever… WHY DID YOU MAKE ME KILL MY PARENTS?

Inner Sakura: They wanted to take your secrets!

Sakura: I don't have any secrets!

Inner Sakura: BECAUSE THEY STOLE THEM! THEY HAD TO DIE!

Sakura: You're insane!

Inner Sakura: I know you are but what am I?

Sakura: Well played, inner-me!

Inner Sakura: NYA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

(Suddenly a strange sound catches her ear from the distance)

Pssssssshhhh!

Sakura: Hmm? What was that?

Psssssshhh!

Sakura: There it is again! It sounds like some sort of… hissing noise. It seems to start and stop at regular intervals. I'd best check it out!

Inner Sakura: AND KILL IT!

Sakura: … Maybe!

Inner Sakura: BAH!

(Sakura then leaps off the edge of the roof… only to realize that it's a two-story drop down into an open trash can.)

Sakura: WOW! I did NOT think that through!

Inner Sakura: YOU ARE TEH STOOPIDZ!

Sakura: Okay! Let's just hope no one heard that… or saw that… Now to get up before I'm noticed-

(As she attempts to stand, up she feels an incredible amount of pain in both her legs.)

Sakura: F*** ME IN THE A**! THAT F***ING HURTS LIKE SH**!

(She then swiftly clasps her hands over her mouth)

Inner Sakura: Subtle!

Sakura: And BOTH my legs are now broken! Crap! No Problem. I'll just heal that up with some medical jut-

(As she starts to form a hand sign, she feels the same pain she felt in her legs in her wrist)

Sakura: AAAAAAAHHHHHGGGH! CO** SUCKING MOTHER F***ING WHORE!

(She then swiftly clasps her hands over her mouth again)

Sakura: I've GOT to stop being so loud when I'm in pain. (She looks at her wrist) Of course my wrist is broken as well! Wait! (Wiggles fingers) I can still move my fingers, so I could still do the Jutsu… but it would HURT… a LOT!

(She pauses for a moment and then sighs. She then reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a kunai)

Sakura: For the safety of the Village!

(She then puts the handle of the kunai in her mouth to bite down on. She then performs the hand signs letting out a painful grunt with each one. Mind you she has to do it three times to heal each of her broken limbs so… yea it's going to hurt. Eventually she finally finishes and stands up sweating and panting from exhaustion.)

Sakura: Thank GOD that's over!

Inner Sakura: It probably would've been much less painful if you healed your wrist first… Idiot!

(Sakura's eyes widen upon realizing the idea, and she then falls on her knees and begins to cry.)

Inner Sakura: It's hard to believe yours is the dominant personality sometimes.

Sakura: Sh-Shut up! (She then dries her eyes and stands up) Okay… Now that I've had my little breakdown, I can finally investigate that hissing noise. (She then runs off to investigate the sound)


	2. Chapter 2

(Cut to a large clearing surrounded by buildings in the middle of the city)

(Cut to a shadowy ally between two buildings)

Sakura: Who or whatever is making that noise is really close by. I'll surprise them by leaping out of this dark shadowy ally that I went in… by myself… in the middle of the night… with hardly anyone else around… Wow! I am just FILLED with bad ideas tonight, aren't I? Well luckily for me there doesn't appear to be anyone in this ally so I'll just do what any sensible ninja would do in a situation like this.

Inner Sakura: Kill your friends?

Sakura: NO!

Inner Sakura: Stick to the shadows and take them by surprise?

Sakura: WHAT? When have ninjas EVER done that? I am insane for thinking of such a concept! Tsh! "Stick to the shadows." Preposterous! (Tosses a smoke bomb out and leaps through the smoke cloud) HOLD IT *Cough cough* RIGHT THERE… uh… YOU! *Cough Cough*

Inner Sakura: WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU LEAPT INTO A CLOUD OF SMOKE?

(Sakura exits the smoke cloud and looks in front of her to see a man clad in full body red spandex with black patches using a paint gun to paint the ground red while singing the theme to the Golden Girls.)

Deadpool: (Singing): Thank you for being a friend! Travel down the road and back again! (Stops singing) MAN! This paint gun is REALLY loud! I probably should've given it a silencer. Do they make silencers for paint guns? Oh, Well!

Pssssssshhhhh!

(Sakura looks quite surprised and doesn't know exactly how to respond to what she has just witnessed)

Inner Sakura: Okay! I didn't see that coming!

(Sakura then shakes off the shock and shouts at the red man)

Sakura (In Japanese): Err… H-HEY YOU!

Deadpool: Eh?

Sakura (In Japanese): Turn around with your hands in the air and identify yourself!

Deadpool: OH GOD! HIGH PITCH SQEAKING GIBBERISH! THE SQUIRREL FROM MY NIGHTMARES HAS RETURNED! LEAVE ME ALONE MONKEY JOE!

Sakura (In thought): I don't know what he's saying, but he sounds frightened! He must know I mean business! Wait until Lady Tsunade sees I captured an intruder! She'll be so proud! I FINALLY DID SOMETHING! Chya!

(Suddenly a two caption boxes that are visible only to Deadpool appears in front of him.)

Caption box #1: It's just Japanese, you idiot!

Caption Box #2: I think there's someone behind you.

Deadpool: Really? (Turns around) (Sees Sakura) OH! Your right! Phew! False alarm!

Sakura (In thought): He… He's relieved? Maybe he just isn't taking me seriously due to my age! Well, I'll show him! Time to assert myself!

(Sakura holds out her knife and looks angry)

Sakura (In Japanese): HEY! I said, "Identify yourself!" Don't think that I'm not a threat just because I'm sixteen! I'm a certified ninja and have several years of experience and I won't hesitate to bring you down! Understand?

Deadpool: Japanese, eh? Well I'm a little rusty but I'll give it a shot! Domo Arigatō, Misutārobotto! Watashi no namae wa deddopūru-iridesu! Watashi no inkei wa anata no yori ōkiidesu! Watashi wa kono jikan ni hachimitsu anaguma o mitsukeru koto ga dekiru ka shi~tsu teru? Watashi no masuku wa anata no sobo de tsukura rete imasu! Pakkā wa, sūpābouru ni katta!

(Sakura looks incredibly confused)

Sakura (In thought): What the crap? Wait a minute! He's trying to confuse me so I'll lower my guard! Well I won't be fooled so easily! (In Japanese) Enough of your bullsh**! Don't try to confuse me with gibberish! It won't work! Now, who are you?

Deadpool: Okay, she looked confused and now she looks pissed again. What did I say?

Caption Box #1: You said, "Thank you very much, Mr. Robot! My name is Deadpool! My penis is bigger than yours! Do you know where I can find a honey badger at this hour? My mask is made of your grandmother! The Packers won the super bowl!"

Deadpool: That's what I thought. Wait! You speak Japanese?

Caption Box #1: Yea!

Caption Box #2: Me too!

Deadpool: Since when?

Caption Box #1: Since the writer needed a way to break the language barrier!

Caption Box #2: Now here's how it'll work! He translates what she says and I tell you what to say.

Deadpool: Works for me!

Sakura: That's enough! This is your last chance! Stop talking to yourself and tell me who you are and what you're doing here!

Inner Sakura: You Hypocrite!

Sakura: Shut up, Inner me!

Deadpool (Happily): (Gasp) You hear voices in your head too?

Sakura: What? No! I mean, Yes! I mean… That-That's not important! Tell me who you are!

Deadpool: I told you, I'm Deadpool!

Sakura: Deadpool?

Deadpool: Yep!

Sakura: That's your actual name?

Deadpool: As far as you know, yes!

Sakura: Very well then, "Deadpool." Just what is it you are doing?

Deadpool: Painting a giant circle! (Sprays paint)

Psssshhh!

Sakura: Well, I can see that but for what purpose?

Deadpool: Hmm… (Holds chin) Call it… A commission of sorts… A very BIG commission from a very wealthy client! (Resumes painting)

Sakura: Well, you realize you're vandalizing private property right?

Deadpool: Am I "vandalizing" it, or am I making it BETTER?

Sakura: … No you're vandalizing it!

Deadpool: But you don't even know what it's going to look like yet!

Sakura: I don't care! You're still-

Deadpool (Angrily): Oh! I get how it is! (Points at Sakura) Your one of THOSE people! You're the kind of person who views street art as, "Just a bunch of punks acting irresponsible towards society!"

Sakura: What?

Deadpool: Well, F*** you man! You can't censor my art! My art is free! Do you hear me! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Sakura: Are you completely insane?

Deadpool: Yes I am! But that was just me doing an amusing bit! But that's over now. So what was it you were saying?

Sakura: You are trespassing on and vandalizing private property! Wait, HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND US?

Deadpool: I dunno. (Sprays paint)

Pssssssssshhhh!

Sakura: And how did you get past the guards?

Deadpool: What guards? (Sprays paint)

Pssssssssshhhh!

Sakura: Look, the point is you can't do what you're doing here.

Deadpool: Oh yeah? And what are you going to do? Report me, in the middle of the night? (Impersonating Sakura) "Oh, help! Someone help! There's a guy dressed in red spandex singing the theme to "The Golden Girls" while painting a giant red circle in the middle of town!" Yea, THAT doesn't make you sound crazy!

(Sakura looks absolutely dumbfounded)

Inner Sakura: Oh! SNAP! He burned you GOOD!

Deadpool: Look, if you have a problem with what I'm doing, take it up with my client! (Reaches into utility belt and pulls out phone then hands it to Sakura) Here, just press the button and you can talk to him.

Sakura: Thank you! (Presses button)

Beep!

(Suddenly a cloud of gas sprays from the speakers)

FSSSSSSSSSHHH!

Sakura: *Cough* *Cough* …Ooh… (Falls unconscious)

Deadpool: And then there was one. (Resumes Painting)

Caption Box #1: AHEM!

Deadpool: Oh! Present company excluded!

Caption Box #2: Thank you very much!

(Screen fades to black)


	3. Chapter 3

30 minutes later

(Sakura slowly opens her eyes then sits up)

Sakura: Oh, wow! I just had the strangest dream. There was a strange red man painting a circle in the middle of town and- OH, SON OF A BITCH!

Deadpool (Singing and Painting): Gotta get that BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Gotta get that BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Sakura: How the hell is he real?

Deadpool: Oh! Hey! You're awake! Did you sleep well dear?

Sakura: Well, honestly-

Deadpool: That's good, because I actually meant to use the poison gas phone to kill you.

Sakura: WHAT?

Deadpool: Yeah! I have to stop keeping it next to the sleeping gas phone. I always do that!

Sakura: YOU WERE GOING TO KILL ME?

Deadpool: What? You annoyed me! I kill things that annoy me!

Sakura: My squad mate annoys me all the time, but I haven't tried to kill him!

Deadpool: Why not?

Inner Sakura: I've been asking her that this whole time!

Deadpool: You know what? It doesn't matter! I'll just kill you now! (Holds out Uzi and aims at Sakura)

Sakura: Oh, no you don't!

(Sakura dashes toward Deadpool and knocks away Deadpool's arm as he let's out a few rounds)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Sakura: Ha! I have knocked your attack harmlessly out of the way!

(Cut to Tsunade's room where she has just woken up from hearing the sound. She then gets up and walks to the window)

Tsunade: Hmm? What on earth was that sou-

(Suddenly the stray bullets from Deadpool's gun hit Tsunade in the chest and forehead.)

(Suddenly, Shizune busts into the room.)

Shizune: Lady Tsuande! Are you alright?

(Tsunade's body falls forward out the window and plummets to the ground)

SPLAT!

Shizune: My GOD! She… She'd been saying the work was getting to her but, I never assumed it was THAT serious! (Shizune holds her chin) Hmm… "Lady Shizune!" I like the sound of that!

(Cut back to Deadpool and Sakura)

Deadpool: Okay! Plan B! (Throws grenade) GRENADE!

Sakura: (Catches grenade and tosses it into the distance)

Sakura: Ha! That's TWO of your attacks I've knocked harmlessly out of the way! Chya! I'm the best!

(Cut back to Tsunade's room where Shizune is standing at the window)

Shizune (Diabolically): Soon the reign of Shizune will commence! And all will kneel before the might of-

(She is interrupted by the grenade thrown by Sakura hitting her in the back of the head)

THWACK!

Shizune: OW! (Rubs head) (Turns around) What the-

KABOOM!

(Cut back to Sakura and Deadpool)

Sakura: What was that?

Deadpool: Oh, that's probably the sound of the grenade exploding.

Sakura: THOSE THINGS EXPLODE?

Deadpool: Yep.

Sakura: W-Well, where did it explode?

Deadpool: Well, the sound and light from the explosion came from the top floor of (Points to Tsunade's tower) THAT building!

Sakura: THAT'S LADY TSUNADE'S TOWER!

Deadpool: Who now?

Sakura: Lady Tsunade! She's the leader of the village!

Deadpool: Uh, Probably not anymore!

Sakura: OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE? (Runs off) I'll either have to save her or hide her body!

Inner Sakura: NYA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! KILL THEM ALL!

Sakura: SHUT UP!

Deadpool: Holy Crap! That plan went perfectly!

Caption Box #1: I told you!

Deadpool: Now where was I? Ah, yes! (Resumes painting)

Pssssssshhhh!

(Fade to black)


	4. Chapter 4

(Fade to an exhausted Sakura walking back with her back hunched forward and her arms dangling in front of her.)

Sakura: That Son of a BITCH! I am going to kill him for what he's putting me through!

Inner Sakura: You know you seem to be taking the loss of the leader of your village and YOUR TEACHER quite well. I mean you weren't broken up at all while burying them, you were more… annoyed!

Sakura: I'll worry about that later! Right now, I need to kick this "Deadpool's" ass to Hell!

Inner Sakura: Wouldn't it just be wiser to just let this go before anyone else gets hurt? I mean people have died because you interfered with this mad man's little street drawing.

Sakura: NO! I refuse to let this weirdo soil the beautiful ground of my home with easily washable paints! And when did you start caring about human life?

Inner Sakura: You're asking for consistency from THIS series?

Sakura: Good point!

(Cut to Deadpool painting)

Sakura (Angrily): YOU!

Deadpool: Oh, hey you're back! How's Lady Tsunami or whatever you called her?

Sakura: It's "Tsunade!" And she's dead and so is her assistant!

Deadpool: Wow! Her assistant died with her? THAT'S dedication to your job!

Sakura: I also found the bodies of the two guards you murdered on the way in and buried them as well.

Deadpool: Those were guards?

Sakura: Yes, they were Guar- Wait! YOU KILLED THEM WITHOUT KNOWING WHO OR WHAT THEY WERE?

Deadpool: Lady! I may not have known they were guards, but I did know they were ninjas! And when I want to infiltrate a ninja village and see two ninjas at the entrance, I do not simply walk up to them and wish them a good day! I DEFEND MYSELF!

Sakura: But did you have to kill them?

Deadpool: It was the honorable thing to do. Better they die with honor then live with the disgrace of failure!

Caption Box #1: Plus, it was fun!

Sakura (Vengefully): I will personally see to it that you suffer the most excruciatingly slow and painful death for the lives you have ended tonight for your wretched circle!

(Pause)

Deadpool: Sounds like "someone" needs a chimichanga! (Holds out chimichanga)

(Lurches back in surprise)

Sakura: What is that?

Deadpool (Shocked): YOU'VE NEVER HAD A CHIMICHANGA BEFORE? No wonder you're so mean and bitchy all the time! Trust me! The minute this thing hits your taste buds, you will know that there is a god because only HE could give us something this delicious! THIS is the meaning of existence!

Caption Box #1: That and money!

Sakura: Shut up! I don't need any of your stupid disgusting food!

Deadpool: Forgive her, God of chimichangas! She knows not the food she insults!

Sakura: Now prepare to pay for your crimes! I'll make you regret ever coming to this vill-

(Deadpool shoves a chimichanga into Sakura's mouth)

(Sakura chews and swallows)

Deadpool: Well?

Sakura (Dumbfounded): It's… It's AMAZING!

Deadpool: Want another?

Sakura (Excited): YES! YES! I MUST HAVE MORE!

Deadpool: Well, there's a whole plate of them right there by that tree! (Points to plate of Chimichangas)

Sakura: MINE! (Runs toward them)

Inner Sakura: What are you doing? What happened to killing him painfully?

Sakura: That can wait! Right now, I'm hungry from burying all those bodies! OM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

(Sakura starts eating all the chimichangas from the plate)

5 minutes later

(Sakura has finished the plate of chimichangas)

Sakura: Ah! That was great!

Deadpool: Glad you liked them.

Sakura: I did indeed! And it was very noble of you to let your opponent regain her full strength before fighting her! However, (Strikes Fighting stance) you will soon regret doing so as well!

Deadpool: Hmm… Really? Is that what you think? Well, I think that YOU will be the regretful one right about… NOW!

(Suddenly, Sakura grasps her stomach in pain as it starts to rumble and gurgle loudly)

Sakura (Painfully): Ow! Urgh! What… What did you do… to me?

Deadpool: Ha! Ha! Yeah, that plate of chimichangas you wolfed down, those weren't ordinary chimichangas!

Sakura: We're they p-p-poisoned? Ow!

Deadpool: Oh no! FAR worse than that! They were expired! You see, the thing about chimichangas is that while they are amazing going in, they are literally a PAIN IN THE ASS coming out! So, I suggest you find a toilet while you still have some of your dignity!

Sakura: Ugh! Damn you! I swear I'll get you for this! (Runs away)

Deadpool: Right then! Back to work! (Starts painting again)

Psssssshhh!

Caption Box #1: Why didn't you poison the chimichangas?

Deadpool (Angrily): WHAT? HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT I CONTAMINATE GOD'S MOST SACRED FOOD! IF YOU WEREN'T ME I'D KILL YOU WHERE YOU STOOD! Honestly! Jeez! (Resumes Painting)

Psssssssssshhhh!

(Fade to black)


	5. Chapter 5

(Fade in to Sakura Walking out of the Forest of Death back into the village after her… shameful defeat)

Sakura: Well, that was F***ING EMBARRESSING!

Inner Sakura: You know, for an Insomniac ninja village protector, you kinda suck!

Sakura: SHUT UP! He caught me off guard!

Inner Sakura: Yeah! THREE TIMES IN ONE NIGHT!

Sakura: Well, CLEARLY I'm dealing with a very experienced individual!

Inner Sakura: That or you just SUCK… or both!

Sakura: Why do you hate me?

Inner Sakura: Because you SUCK!

Sakura: I do NOT!

Inner Sakura: You just crapped out an entire plate of an expired foreign delicacy given to you by the enemy that you wolfed down without a second thought! YOU… SUCK!

(Sakura's face turns red with embarrassment)

Sakura: Sh-Shut up! I'm not listening to you! (Plugs ears and shuts eyes) LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!

Inner Sakura: Oh yeah! That doesn't make you look absolutely insane or immature, let alone works!

Sakura: IS SOMEONE TALKING? I CAN'T HEAR THEM! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!

(Suddenly Deadpool approaches then stops and stares at the girl shouting to herself)

Deadpool: I've never heard that song before! Who sings it?

Sakura (Shocked): GAH! H-how long have you been standing there?

Deadpool: About thirty seconds. So, did you come up with that song yourself?

Sakura: Actually, I was just… err…

Inner Sakura: Sucking… AGAIN!

Deadpool: Free styling? AWESOME! Let me try! Yo! Yo! MCDP up in Hizzouse! Yo! My name is Deadpool and I'm here to represent! When I see She-Hulk I pitch a tent!

Sakura: OH DEAR GOD! IT'S WORSE THAN KILLER B!

Deadpool: Yo, bitch! Don't you be hatin' on my lyrics! Aight! Let me lay something fresh on ya!

Sakura: OH PLEASE NO!

Deadpool: When it comes to killin haters, my guns do that trick! When I'm banging them hoes I use my-

Sakura: EW! NO! STOP! PLEASE! NO MORE!

Deadpool: What? I was gonna say "Boomstick!" Get it? BANG! BANG! Shoot 'em up!

Sakura: What are you doing here? Did you finish painting that stupid circle?

Deadpool: No, not yet! I actually ran out of paint so I need to get some more. Does your village have a store with paint that I could possibly go to?

Sakura: Oh, yeah! There's the general store! They'll have anything you need. It's about five blocks straight then you make a left and go three more blocks. You'll know it when you see it.

Deadpool: Not talking are you? Time to bust out the torture ki- wait! Really?

Sakura: Yep!

Deadpool: Uh, Thanks! (Walks away)

Sakura (Smiling): Anytime!

Inner Sakura: Wow… WOW! YOU F***ING SUCK!

Sakura (Smug): Do I?

Inner Sakura: YOU JUST TOLD HIM THE EXACT LOCATION OF EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDED AND GAVE HIM DIRECTIONS! YOU REALLY SUCK!

Sakura (Smug): True, I did. BUT he will arrive to a shock when he finds that the store's hours of operation don't go this late and he will be crushed that he will be unable to finish his precious circle leaving me victorious! CHYA! I'm the best!

Inner Sakura: Unless of course he BREAKS IN AND STEALS IT!

Sakura: Err… Come again?

Inner Sakura: The only security the store has is a locked door! What's to stop him from just breaking in?

Sakura: You think he'd actually do that?

Inner Sakura: THE GUY KILLED TWO GUARDS TO GET IN HERE! I doubt he'll have any moral repercussions about stealing some paint!

(Sakura's jaw drops in shock)

Sakura: ! (Runs after Deadpool)

Deadpool (singing): I'M ON THE EDGE… OF GLORY!

Sakura (Running in front of Deadpool): H-hold… Hold on mister! In order to pass further, you'll need to go through ME!

Deadpool: Okay! (Pulls out gun and holds it point blank to Sakura's forehead)

Chck! Chck!

Sakura: Huh… Ugh… Damn it!

Deadpool: Can I go through now?

Sakura: *Sigh* Yes!

Deadpool: Awesome! Later! (Walks around Sakura) (Singing) I MET HER IN A CLUB DOWN IN OTOHO WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAING AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE CHERRY COLA!

Sakura: Now! (Turns and throws kunai at Deadpool's back)

Deadpool (Singing): C-O-L-A! (Stops) Ooh! A Quarter! (Bends over and dodges kunai)

Woosh!

Sakura: Damn!

Deadpool: (Stands back up) Wait! No it's just a bottle cap!

Caption Box #1: LOOK OUT!

Caption Box #2: BEHIND YOU!

Deadpool: Wha? (Looks behind him to see Sakura dashing toward him)

(Sakura punches Deadpool, sending him flying into a building)

SLAM!

Caption Box #1: Reminds you of home a bit, doesn't it?

Deadpool: (Peeling himself off of the wall) Lady, you just made a HUGE mistake!

Sakura: No! You made a mistake by intruding and vandalizing my village!

Inner Sakura: Oh, sure! Just disregard the fact that he murdered two guards in place of his stupid graffiti! I mean murder is fine but VANDALISM? THAT is where you draw the line!

Sakura (In thought): Shut up!

Deadpool: First of all, "Your Village?" What, do you own the place? Second, YOU made the mistake by hitting me because that just put me that much closer to my desired destination! (Points to shop not far from where he is standing) Also, you hit me into a wall causing property damage that I sure as hell am not paying for.

(Sakura looks dumbfounded)

Sakura (in thought): He… He's right! Even when I try to help I only make things worse.

Inner Sakura: Wow! No wonder you mostly stand around and do nothing on missions!

Sakura (In thought): You are NOT helping!

Inner Sakura: I wasn't trying to.

Deadpool: And last but not least, (Pulls out Pistol) BANG! (Fires at Sakura)

(Sakura's body then falls to the ground, motionless and lifeless. Then, in a puff of smoke, it is revealed to be a log used as a substitute)

Deadpool: A log? She was a log this whole time? Well, I always did think her voice acting was a bit wooden!

Caption Box #1: HOLD ME BACK, OTHER BOX! HOLD ME BACK! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!

Caption Box #2: How? We're just voices in his head!

(Suddenly a kunai flies from the roof tops and disarms Deadpool)

(Deadpool turns around to see Sakura standing on the roof of the building behind him holding several Kunai in each hand)

Deadpool: Oh! I see! A Substitute to throw me off guard! Clever!

Sakura: I've disarmed you of your weapon! Surrender if you value your life! You've caused enough mischief for one night!

Inner Sakura: Mischief… right! And I suppose what Itachi did to the Uchiha clan was simple hijinks!

Sakura (In thought): DON'T RUIN MY MOMENT!

Deadpool: Disarmed ME? Surrender? HA! I don't think so! You see my guns are like the heads of a hydra! Remove one… (Pulls out two more guns then turns and takes aim at Sakura) …AND TWO MORE TAKE ITS PLACE!

(Sakura throws a kunai at each of Deadpool's guns but Deadpool shoots them both out of the sky on the way down. As Deadpool is shooting, Sakura leaps into the air and throws three more kunai in Deadpool's direction but Deadpool dodges them and fires at Sakura. Sakura Manages to evade Deadpool's gunfire long enough to get behind cover)

Deadpool: Wow! I have to admit, I'm slightly impressed! I think what you just did qualifies as competence!

Sakura: What more do you expect from a master of evasion?

Deadpool: "Master of Evasion" you say? So you mean you're really good at running away and hiding? You know, where I come from, we have a word for people like you. And that word is, "Coward!"

Sakura: Take that back!

Deadpool: Who's going to make me? You? What are going to do, hide behind a tree?

Sakura (Angrily): THAT'S IT!

(Sakura runs out from cover throwing a plethora of kunai tagged with paper bombs at Deadpool. Meanwhile Deapool resumes trying to shoot Sakura whilst dodging the kunai.)

Deadpool: That's right! Come at me, Pinky!

(The kunai land in a circular formation, surrounding Deadpool.)

Sakura: I have you now! There is no escape! GOODBYE!

(The tagged kunai all go off in unison giving of an explosion of medium size)

BOOM!

(Sakura stands and waits for the smoke to clear, but as it does she sees that her opponent has vanished)

Sakura: (Gasp) Where did he-

(Deadpool then gives Sakura an atomic wedgie from behind her, pulling her underwear over her eyes.)

Deadpool: SURPRISE ATOMIC WEDGIE NO JUTSU!

Sakura: GAAAAAAH! IT BURNS! HOW DID YOU-

Deadpool: Yeah! I can teleport! REALLY handy for situations like that!

Sakura: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA-

Deadpool: IF you can find me! Also, (Wolf Whistles at Sakura) NICE PANTIES!

(Sakura blushes in embarrassment then frantically attempts to remove the underwear from her head)

Deadpool: Yeah, That's not going to work. You see, my wedgies only have ONE way out and it involves a sharp object!

Sakura (In thought): He's right! The elastic is stretched out nearly to its limit and its grip over my eyes is too tight! I can't escape without… going commando… No matter! I'm a ninja of the hidden leaf village! I've made it out of worse situations (Though none of them quite as humiliating as this) and I've come out just fine! I can do this! I don't need my eyes to catch this idiot! I AM SAKURA HARUNO, CHUNIN OF THE HIDDEN LEAF VILLAGE!

(Meanwhile, as Sakura blindly motivates herself in her head, Deadpool sneaks away to the store to pick up some more paint)

Sakura: Alright, Mr. "Deadpool!" You may have managed to pull the wool over my eyes with your last move…

Inner Sakura: Or in this case, the cotton. Wool unides would be itchy!

Sakura: But don't think that means you're safe from me! I don't need my eyes to beat you! (Pause) What? No witty retort? Are you too intimidated by my overwhelming confidence to think of anything other than saving your own skin? I don't blame you!

(Deadpool walks past Sakura carrying several buckets of paint in each arm.)

Deadpool: It's a bit too late to save MY skin!

Sakura: Your damn right, it is! You made a huge mistake infiltrating and vandalizing this village!

Inner Sakura: And for killing those guards!

Sakura (Angrily): Ugh! Would you shut up about the damn guards! I get it! I keep forgetting to mention the murdered guards! Sorry!

Inner Sakura: "KEEP FORGETTING?" That should be the first thing that comes to your mind! He murdered two people and the thing your most concerned with is his petty vandalism?

Sakura: Well that's what I first saw him doing so that's what I associate him with!

(Deadpool starts walking back to get some more paint)

Deadpool: I associate myself with costumed vigilantes and shady clients looking to pay handsomely to see someone killed off!

Sakura (Angrily): Shut up! I'm arguing with myself right now!

Inner Sakura: WOW! Did you REALLY just say that?

Sakura: Oh, what? Like HE'S any less crazy then I am!

Inner Sakura: So you admit that you are crazy?

Sakura: WHAT? No! I didn't mean that! I'm not crazy!

Inner Sakura: Uh-huh. Who are you trying to convince, Me or yourself? OH, WAIT! THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME PESRON!

Sakura: You're not a person! You're an inner personality that manifested from my hidden emotions that I kept locked inside me or something!

Inner Sakura (Sarcastically): OH! Well that's just a HUGE difference isn't it? You just seem that much less crazy now!

Sakura: You know what? What are you even doing back? I thought I had gotten rid of you.

Inner Sakura: No! You just managed to keep my locked away and ignore me for several years. But it seems now that something or SOMEONE, has given you enough stress to drive you to the point of insanity!

Sakura: My God! You're right! DEAPOOL IS DRIVING ME INSANE!

(Deadpool starts walking back carrying more paint)

Deadpool: It wouldn't be the first time I did something like that!

Caption boxes #1 and #2: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!

Sakura: Okay, once this is over I'm going to renew my prescriptions and start seeing my therapist again!

Inner Sakura: YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THOSE PILLS, YOUNG LADY! THOSE THINGS BURN ME LIKE ACID!

Sakura: In the meantime, I need to focus on bringing this maniac to justice!

Inner Sakura: And I'll focus on consuming the last of your sanity and overthrowing you to take over as the dominant personality!

Sakura: What?

Inner Sakura: Nothing!

Sakura: Okay, Deadpool! As I was saying…

(Deadpool walks back to where he was standing while Sakura was talking to him.)

Sakura: … You're going to regret setting foot near the Hidden Leaf Village!

Deadpool: Oh? And why's that?

Sakura: Allow me to show you! (Charges blindly at Deadpool) HIYAAAAAAAA!

(Deadpool draws his sword and thrusts it forward but Sakura hears it and jumps over him)

Sakura: HA! Did you really think I'd be dumb enough to just run into your sword? You forget, you're dealing with a trained nin-

(Sakura hits her head on the edge of the roof of a building)

BONK!

(Sakura then plummets to the ground landing head first and is knocked unconscious)

THUD!

Sakura: Not… Again…

Deadpool: No! I remembered I was dealing with a gullible idiot! (Sheathes sword and walks away)

(Some time later…)

Sakura: Ah… Oh god my head… (Gets up) AGH! Why does it feel like there's a knife in my ass? (Looks behind her to see her torn underwear on the ground a knife stuck in her ass with a card attached) No… he didn't… (Pulls out knife) OW! (Looks at card)

Card: If you are reading this, your ass is now bleeding. Also, I took your wallet. Deadpool.

Sakura: SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!

(Cut to Deadpool painting)

Deadpool: Hey! She got my note! (Resumes painting)

(Fades to black)


	6. Finale

(Fade in to Sakura walking home angrily)

Sakura (Angrily): That is IT!

(Cut to inside Sakura's room. Sakura bursts in through the door)

SLAM!

(Sakura stomps over to her closet)

Inner Sakura: Have you finally given up?

Sakura: Oh! He'd LIKE that, wouldn't he? (Opens closet door) Ha! Ha! No! No not even close! (Takes trench coat off hanger and dons it) But this IS where it ends! (She pulls a large box of kunai off of the shelf. She then starts lining one row of her coat with Kunai) No more games! (She then pulls out a large box of shuriken off her shelf and lines another row of her coat with shuriken) No more chances! (She then pulls out a large box of paper bombs and lines another side row of her coat with them.) No more of that idiot's little tricks! (Goes over to bed and pulls out a box containing a pair of armored boots, armored gauntlets, and an armored mouth filter mask.) (She dons the armored boots) It's time to show Mr. Deadpool… (Dons armored gauntlets) …what happens when you mess… (Puts on mask) with a ninja of The Hidden Leaf Village! (Folds and sheathes giant Shadow Windmill Shuriken on her back) Deadpool, Tonight's the night you DIE!

Sakura's Mom (Offscreen): Sakura! Why are you shouting?

Sakura (Stammering): Err… It's nothing mom… I was just… uh… sleep... talking. Yeah.

Sakura's Mom (Offscreen): AGAIN? Do we need start seeing your therapist again?

Sakura: I-I'm sure that this will… uh… Sort itself out… but that MIGHT be a good idea…

Inner Sakura: YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT MAN!

Sakura's Mom (Offscreen): Alright Sweetie! Go back to sleep!

Sakura: Uh… Yea! Sure… will do Mom! Note to self: Keep quiet while having a dramatic moment at 3:00am.

(Cut to Sakura walking outside toward the center of town)

Inner Sakura: Wait! I thought you killed your parents!

Sakura: Yea, but I brought them back with a resurrection jutsu last week.

Inner Sakura: WHAT? Bullshit! Since when could you do that kind of technique!

Sakura: Look it takes fucking forever to prepare and I had to give up some of my life force to finalize it! I'd rather not go doing it all over the place!

Inner Sakura: Whatever! Sooo… HOW THE FUCK LONG HAVE YOU HAD ALL OF THIS SHIT?

Sakura: What shit?

Inner Sakura: Uh, ALL OF THE GOD DAMN ARMOR YOU ARE CURRENTLY WEARING?

Sakura: What? All this? (Looks at Gauntlets and boots) I've had these for a WHILE now! I actually got them for my 15th birthday!

Inner Sakura: Okay, but then why have you NEVER USED IT BEFORE?

Sakura: Meh, Never really found it necessary.

Inner Sakura: YOU NEVER—You know what? Fuck it! I'm just gonna sit back and watch you fail at being a badass!

Sakura: Well, I think you're going to find yourself disappointed then. There he is! I'm off! (Runs off)

(Cut to Deadpool painting the circle)

Sakura (Offscreen): DEADPOOL!

(Cut to Sakura pointing dramatically at Deadpool)

Sakura: IT'S TIME FOR US TO END THIS!

(Cut back to Deadpool)

Deadpool: One minute! (Holds up finger) (Resumes painting)

PSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!

Sakura: Um….. I've Come to—

Deadpool: (Turns around with an angry expression) ONE…. MINUTE! (Resumes painting)

(Sakura pauses, unsure as to how to react)

Inner Sakura: Oh yeah! You have this whole "Badass" thing NAILED! You can tell he's scared from the way he shoves you away so nonchalantly.

Sakura: OH, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?

Deadpool: If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that… AND… (Drops Paint Gun) Finished!

Sakura: F-Finished?

Deadpool: Yep!

Sakura: As in…

Deadpool: I'm done painting. What do you think?

(Zoom out to reveal that Deadpool has painted his logo across the center of the village)

Sakura: I think you have some serious cleaning up to do!

Deadpool (Suddenly taking on a French accent): *Gasp* Sacrebleu! How can you ask such a thing of me, Madmuazel? You ask me to take my beautiful creation, which I poured my very HEART AND SOUL into, and destroy it? You, Madame, have NO appreciation for art! I spit on you! (Spits in Sakura's face)

Sakura: (Stares in disbelief) (Wipes the spit off her face and at it) (She clenches her teeth and fists as her body tenses up and her face grows red with anger) Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (Shoots a death glare at Deadpool)

Deadpool: Listen. How about this? You just go home and forget this whole night ever happened, and I promise I'll leave this place and never come back. (Extends hand) Deal?

Sakura: (Grabs Deadpool's hand in a Deathgrip)

Deadpool: (Winces in pain) URGH! Quite the handshake you got there!

Sakura: You…. Are going…. TO DIE! (Breaks Deadpools arm by snapping it at the elbow joint)

Deadpool: PAAAAAAAAAAAIN!

Caption Box #1: OH SNAP!

Caption Box #2: Was that a pun?

Deadpool: NOT COOL!

Sakura: (Punches Deadpool in the face and sends him flying into a building. She then pins him to the wall by sticking a demon wind shuriken through his gut and into the building)

Deadpool: Ok! *Ow!* I'll be honest! I didn't see THIS coming!

Sakura: I'm going to enjoy ripping that stupid, ugly, smartass mouth of yours off your bleeding, bruised face!

Deadpool: But my face isn't-

Sakura: (Delivers a flurry of super strong punches to Deadpool's face)

Caption Box #1: OH! Classic maneuver!

Sakura: I TRIED to be diplomatic! (Breaks one of Deadpool's ribs) I TRIED to be reasonable! (Breaks Deadpool's Collarbone) But I can see now that VIOLENCE is the only thing you are capable of listening to! (Grabs Deadpool's arm) This is for vandalizing the village! (Snaps Deadpool's other arm)

Deadpool: (Screams in Pain)

Sakura: THIS is for the humiliation that you put me through! (Pulls out 2 kunai and Stabs Deadpool in both kneecaps)

Deadpool: (Screams in Pain)

Caption Box #1: DAMN!

Caption Box #2: If only she was this brutal in the Manga!

Sakura: And THIS is for all the murder of the people of my village… and LADY TSUNADE!

Deadpool: Hey! I never meant to blow that place up! That was all you!

Sakura: SHUT! (Grabs Deadpool) UP! (Rips him off the shuriken in a bloody mess) AND DIE! (Slams Deadpool against the ground) (Kneels down and grabs Deadpool's head) GOODBYE DEADPOOL! (Snaps Deadpool's neck)

(Deadpool lies still and bleeding on the ground)

Sakura: (Feels for a pulse) I… I did it… I won… I WON! (Gets up and runs and jumps around with joy chanting "I won!" over and over.) I can't believe I did it! I actually BEAT HIM! I can't wait to tell everyone! They will NEVER believe it! I bet that bitch, Ino, will be SOOOOO jealous! (Laughs heartily)

Inner Sakura: So how did it feel?

Sakura: Err… What?

Inner Sakura: When you killed him, how did it feel?

Sakura: It felt… it felt…

Inner Sakura: Yes?

Sakura: It felt better than ANYTHING I had ever felt before!

Inner Sakura: Now do you see what I've been trying to tell you? Do you see the satisfaction crushing your enemies beneath your mighty and terrible fist?

Sakura: (A sinister grin comes to her face) Yes…. YES! I DO!

Inner Sakura: Do you want more?

Sakura: Yes! YES! YES, I WANT MORE!

Inner Sakura: Good! Now go into the village and show those who have wronged us in the past the consequences of their actions!

Sakura: YES! (Chuckles psychotically) Soon… this village will cower in TERROR before the NEW SAKURA HARU—

(Suddenly a gunshot rings out from behind Sakura)

Sakura: GAH! (Falls to the ground, clutching her knee in pain) UGH! MY KNEE! IT'S SHATTERED! WHO THE- (Looks back to see Deadpool's body is gone) Wh-Where did-

Deadpool: (Walks up to her) OK! I think SOMEONE needs a time out!

Sakura: What? But that's impossible! I KILLED YOU!

Deadpool: PFFT! Nah! I've had WAY worse than what you did! Still if it makes you feel any better, that hurt like HELL!

Sakura: I… Hate… you…

Deadpool: (knocks out sakura with the butt of his gun) Join the club, sister! (Pulls out walkie-talkie) Hello guys, it's Deadpool! The Target is in position MOVE IN!

(Fade to black as Deadpool walks away)

(Fade into Sakura Waking up in the middle of the circle tied up)

Sakura: Ugh… My head… Can't move… What's going on? (Suddenly she notices note in front of her that reads "Thanks for making tonight a blast! – Deadpool") Grrrr! ! Aw, could tonight get ANY WORSE?

(Suddenly some plains fly over her and one of them drops an atomic bomb over her)

Sakura: (A tear runs down sakura's cheek) …. Fuck you, Deadpool!

(Cut to Hinata sitting next to Naruto on his bed)

Hinata: Thanks for letting me stay the night here, Naruto. I feel like such an idiot for losing my key.

Naruto: (Blushing a bit) Uh, No problem, Hinata. What are friends for?

Hinata: A-actually, Naruto, There's something…. I've been meaning to tell you… for a while now…

Naruto: What is it?

Hinata: *Gulp* W-well Naruto I…. I… I LOV-

(A firey nuclear explosion incinerates them both before Hinata can finish her confession)

(Cut to Sasuke returning to his house)

Sasuke: Well, being evil was a fun change of pace for a while, but I think it's time I returned to all my friends back here in Kon- OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? (He is incinerated by the nuclear explosion.)

(Cut to Kabuto inside Tsunade's Building)

Kabuto: Hahaha! I have Successfully infiltrated the palace of the Hokage! Now for step 2 of my master plan—

*Rumble* Rumble*

Kabuto: What the heck is that noise? Why is it suddenly so hot and bright?

(Kabuto is incinerated by the explosion)

(cut to Gaara standing in the Middle of the village)

Gaara: Not exactly sure what I'm doing here. I should probably be back at my village. Especially considering the sudden water crisis we are having. Meh! It'll be fine! They can live a night or two without me. I mean it's not like I'm going to die here toni-

(Gaara shields himself in a dome of sand as the Nuclear explosion envelopes him)

Gaara: Ha! See? Nothing to worry about. Wait, is it getting hot in here? Oh my GOD! It is! It's getting REALLY HOT! OW! OW! BURNING! OH GOD! IT'S BURINING! OW! OW! OW! MY FLESH!

(The Sand dome around him starts turning to glass)

Gaara: Oh no! OH NO!

(The Glass starts to crack)

Gaara: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! NO!

(The glass shatters and Gaara is incinerated)

Gaara: THIS IS THE MOST EMOTION I'VE EVER SHOOOOOOOOWN! *Dies*

(Cut to Deadpool walking away with a bag full of Money as a fiery mushroom cloud engulfs the hidden leaf village)

Deadpool (On the phone): Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Oda! Now if you will excuse me, I have to run like hell to escape the fallout! (Hangs up and runs like the wind)

THE END!


End file.
